Sunday, February 7, 2010

Tough Nails (2005)

Broken nails are one of the toughest things that happen to modern women — no, least toughest things. Trying to participate in any activity, even if it only involves picking up the volume control for the television,can cause a nail to break. It would be all right if the nail broke evenly, but no matter how many times I ask it to do so, it still breaks unevenly. Snagging on clothes, couches, paint, and skin, the jagged edges of the nails are hazardous to everyday comfort. If a woman is lucky she will be carrying a nail-file with her when the disaster strikes, but more often than not she will be without one. This could be solved by the distribution of nail-file hair-clips, or nail-file jewelry, but what if they don’t match her hair or her clothing? There would have to be at least 10 different-colored nail-file accessories to satisfy this color-code-demand. Another solution is a nail-polish that would protect the nails from breaking, but because of the maddening horror of uneven nail-polish, this nail polish would have to either never wear away, or come off all at once. These things are all very complicated; the easy solution comes down to the intervention of our maker. The Creator, who is said to have put together the human body like humans put together puzzles, should re-write our genetic code, enabling nails to never break unless specifically told to. This solution seems the best, with the littlest amount of effort on the part of busy humans.
Meanwhile, as we let our Creator contemplate my suggestion, I must start carrying around a nail-file, to get used to it in case our Creator decides it’s too much of a bother to re-write our genetic code.

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